The hard stuff.

WARNING: a little bit depressing. But good to know.

So throughout my program we will have 4 school field trips. The very first field trip was a trip to the Chancellor's office. The second field trip was a few Fridays ago: a visit to the Stasi Prison Complex Memorial.

In the flurry of getting oriented, settling in, meeting friends and hanging out during the first few weeks, I was doing a lot less planning than I'm used to... also just a lot less looking ahead in general. So I knew we had this field trip coming up, when and where to meet, but I didn't look at where we were going. So as we're all walking over and then settling in to this assembly room to watch a introduction video, I still didn't have much of a thought in my head about what we were going to be seeing or learning about (The first field trip had been a bit dry). The video started and just minutes into it I knew it would be totally different than a visit to an empty government building. The Stasi Prison Complex was originally a building for camps but after the war it was transformed into a prison and gradually expanded with the addition of most buildings. This prison housed those who were even just suspected of being opponents of the GDR (German Democratic Republic).

After our tour guide showed us just one room, I was already finding it really difficult to go on and hear more about the physical and psychological torture that the prisoners endured. Up to 12 people were squeezed into one cell and there was no separation by age or sex. There were prisoners in their early teens as well as very elderly people cooped up in the same room sharing the same bench that was their bed. Women prisoners were sometimes raped by crazed male cellmates and had nowhere to run.

My mind was going a mile a minute as I was taking all of this in. Why did I even bring my camera? I don't want to be here, I don't want to hear about all of this, I definitely won't want to snap any photos to remember it… How can these tour guides stand having to retell such horrible stories everyday that they come to work? Are they desensitized after walking through these cells and recounting stories day after day?

But as my mind jumped all over the place, I thought about it and realized that as difficult as it all was to hear about, it's really important to. These are stories that have to be told and to ignore them because it makes me sad or uncomfortable would be an injustice to all of the people that were affected. So I kept listening and I started taking pictures. I went into every room the tour guide showed us. I looked it all up and down and I tried to retain as much of it as possible so I could know what had happened there and I could tell as many people that wanted to hear/read about it as possible.

When protective laws for prisoners were passed throughout Europe, the Stasi decided to switch from physical torture tactics to psychological torture. It was incredible when I really realized the ways in which psychology can be used for or against people. All prisoners of the complex were in single occupancy cells. None of them were to have any contact with anyone other than the interrogators and the prison guards. In the chance that they caught a brief glimpse of another inmate in the hallway when being led to an interrogation room, that brief glimpse was used against them. Example: a man is being led to an interrogation session and sees the back of another female prisoner turning the corner of the hallway. It's enough to see that it's another person, but not enough to tell if it was a person he knew. The interrogator would then ask the prisoner if he has heard from any family. At this point, the prisoner has been so mentally distressed and shares the fact that he saw a woman down the hall but couldn't make out who it was. The interrogator then tells him that the woman was actually his mother and they arrested her because the prisoner would not cooperate. Then the prisoner would be sent back to his cell, racked with guilt thinking he has put his mother in danger. A confession would be signed within the following day in the hopes that his mother would be released.

Near the end of the tour, another tour group squeezes past us and their guide is a jolly old man who greets our tour guide. After they pass, our tour guide tells us that he is a former prisoner who volunteers here as a tour guide. I was so shocked and also felt really… happy? It was so inspiring. If that man could experience so much horror and still return to this place to educate others, I could surely stand hearing about it – if not for me then out of respect for him.

Our tour guide also went on to speak about growing up in East Germany as a little girl. Everyone (really just about everyone) was a Stasi collaborator. As a young girl, she told her teacher once that her mother didn't always raise the GDR flag and as a result her mother was fired from her job and she herself was no longer allowed to attend school with the other children.

The history of this country is so recent, it's crazy. It's really interesting to be able to speak to people to grew up in East Germany before reunification. Our guide told us about how all of the Stasi members and collaborators are still around now. Those who worked for/in the prisons did a very good job of not leaving evidence so much of what was done was only recounted by prisoners – there's no actual evidence that could be used to condemn anyone. So these people are still out and about in society, still practicing as doctors, nurses, lawyers…

And then this gets me to these next thoughts… what can be said about this? Many of the people who worked for the Stasi police were either intimidated into doing so or really believed they were helping their country. They were brought to believe that all of these prisoners were enemies of the state; they were all opponents of the good government that was already in place and they needed to be stopped/punished.

If you've read this far, congratulations! I am really glad to share more details (I didn't want to put them all here because it really is very depressing) so just get at me. Or if you just want to have a conversation about any of it. Or something totally unrelated, too. =p

I promise not everything that I'm learning here in Berlin is this sad!

Until next time,


 
Fraulein Luu


 

 

 

 

Julie and Julia

I've noticed that I usually use a lot of different things to season my foods and make them really flavorful, but since I've been here in Berlin, I've been trying to buy as few ingredients as possible because it all feels so temporary. It doesn't seem like a good idea to invest a lot of money in a fully stocked seasonings cabinet for four months (less than three now). Trying to make do with very few spices in the kitchen, I've been cooking pretty simple things – usually one-pot meals that consist of potatoes, carrots (occasionally broccoli and cheese), and turkey.

Right now as I'm eating I'm realizing that I actually like that I'm not adding too much flavor – the food already has so much flavor on its own! Steamed carrots have this really great sweetness that I shouldn't always smother up with my chili powder and pepper. Turkey needs very little to make it taste good. It has a distinct turkey-ness that I didn't really notice before. I've always known potatoes were delicious in any way you can possibly cook it… but mannnnnnn cheese melted over broccoli with just a little bit of cayenne pepper and salt? Awesome.

I'm still going to love throwing garlic, Italian seasoning, salt, chili powder, and pepper into pretty much everything I make… but I just had a thought that seasoning for food should be like clothes! It should just accent the flavors/features that are already there. It shouldn't make the food. Like instead of dying your skin color or something, you just wear a nice color that brings out your eyes! …If that makes any sense at all. =p 


This felt like a very Julie and Julia blog, so I thought I'd title it accordingly =)
This all might have to do with the fact that food just tastes a little different here.  I've also been buying organic more often because it's not much more expensive to and it's more easily available. Most groceries stores that I've been shopping at have seperate sections for organic and Fair Trade items.  It's pretty great! (blog about organic and fair trade labels coming soon). 
 
I've got more of these blog entries saved as word documents since my internet at my apartment is usually wiggety wack, jack. So there will be more to come!

新年快樂! Happy Chinese New Year!

Hugs from the outskirts of Berlin (seriously, I live on the outskirts of Berlin. I can walk to the border of the next city South of us from here!),

Cary Mofckin' Luu!


 

 

Greetings from Berlin!

Hallo! It's been over 2 weeks since I first arrived in Berlin and I have TONS to blog about. =p I'll try to be better about blogging regularly so not all of my entries will be giant chunks of text like this one. =p


So here is a super fast rundown of the past week!:


Day 1, January 6, 2009
When the plane was landing in Frankfurt for my connecting flight to Berlin, I finally got what I was waiting for: the realization that I was going to be thousands of miles from home for 4 months was finally sinking in. And with only about 4 hours of sleep, I was a little crazy and felt really scared. But inside the airport I ran into Tino, another Cal student heading to the program! When he asked if I wanted to split a cab when we got there I actually hesitated because of the movie, Taken, and that was exactly the way I thought it could happen to me if I wasn't careful. =p But then I realized, hey! I do know this guy. We then ran into THREE more students and from there everything was going steadily upwards! I love meeting new people and I remembered that a lot of that was about to happen over the next four months.

We all split a cab to go check in and sit through a quick infosession and get our apartment keys. I used the school phone and called my family really quick to tell them I arrived then sat around for a couple hours for the taxis to come take us to the apartments. I saw some host families come to pick up their kids and they were all such warm and friendly people. I shared one of my precious few pieces of Mexican candy with a couple of the other students who were starving, but they didn't even like it! =p What a waste…







This is a picture I took during the cab ride to the apartments. The cab driver was very friendly and talked a lot.

Got to the apartment and we all went our separate ways to our rooms. Once I got inside I felt overwhelmingly aware of the fact that this empty, impersonal apartment would be my home for the next four months. I tried to unpack my things and put them all over the place but still felt crazy and lonely. Jet lag was really screwing with my emotions like nuts and I was not feeling like myself at all! But I forced myself to go out and find a grocery store even though I had no appetite and just wanted to fall into bed and sleep like a rock. It was actually not a very bright idea to go out in the dark when I had no clue where the store was and if there was even one nearby =p Luckily I ran into Sara, another Cal student in the program, and we found it together!

I bought a few things and went home and forced down some canned soup because I knew I hadn't really eaten in almost 20+ hours =p I tried to stay up til a reasonable hour so I could try to begin regulating my sleep schedule, but went to bed at 9 and woke up several times in the middle of the night.

This is my first meal in Berlin!





Day 2, January 7:

Woke up feeling tonnnns better because I at least got some sleep. Took a really nice shower, ate a tangerine and headed out to school.

There was a big group of the other students already downstairs and I just followed the crowd and somehow got to the school building where we would go on to have a big fat meeting to fill out paperwork for our residency permits and learn about the conditions of living in the homestay or apartments. We also got set up for the wireless internet at school and I was sooo happy to "finally" get internet (although I realize we got set up as soon as it was possible to be set up, the first lonely night in the apartment with no internet to communicate with family and friends really sucked. I felt like it stretched on forever!) We had lunch at the Mensa, the student cafeteria. I was looking around at all the different things because I wanted to try something unique to this place, but we were kind of in a hurry to get back to the apartment so I quickly decided on this one plate of spaghetti with some stir-fried vegetables and chicken.

After we were done with the meeting I used the internet like nuts for like 10 minutes before we all headed to the mall to buy Internet Surfsticks and phones. Later that night I had Tino and Amanda over for egg sandwiches and we set up our internet. Wahoo! =) I forgot to take a picture of that meal.






Day 3, January 8

We had a guided tour of the Freie Universitat campus (we don't have our classes there, our program is just a part of the University). We walked around for about an hour and a half (not really seeing all that much… =p) before stopping for a lunch break at the Mensa. This time I tried something more foreign looking… =p some kind of fried fish filet and mushroom gravy. I tried getting water from the soda fountain… it was label TaffelWasser so I thought it meant tap water. But it was all carbonated (almost everything they drink here is carbonated!) and I poured it out and got carbonated apple juice instead. =p I felt bad for pouring it out though…

Next we went on a tour of Bunkers that date back to WWII and the Cold War. The tour was super interesting but I felt so sad all through it while the guide was explaining how it would all go down if a bomb was dropped. People would have had to survive down in those bunkers for at least 2 weeks. He also just talked about what a sad time it was to live in because people just felt that a nuclear war was inevitable. No one wanted it to happen but they felt like it was bound to. I think it's just about one of the worse feelings in the world: helplessness. (Being ultra sensitive because of jet lag/lack of sleep is a common theme for the first few days that I was here =p)

After the tour we realized that we had been left all the way on the other side of the city and the Student Assistants were gone. But thankfully the maps are pretty easy to read and we got back! I went to some people to the mall and thought I'd be okay for going to the social they had planned for us later that night, but I got back to the apartment so so tired and it was only 7pm. Omid, another guy that was in my group to go, persuaded me to go and I thought I shouldn't let being jetlagged get in the way of me taking in the city! So we went. The social was just a hang out at a bar and I met a lot more people from the program (they're from all over the US) and it was really cool. I was glad I went. =D But I still left with another girl, Carolyn, that I met there by like 12 because I was so tired. But I had my first German beer that night! =p


Day 4, January 9

We had to meet at the train stop for the Brandenburg Gate for an audio walking tour led by Dirk, our director. I don't know why I thought the stop was only like 10 minutes away so Colleen and I took our time leaving, met up with Kirk at the station… and ended up being like 20 minutes late! Heading to find everyone, I almost got suckered! There was a lady holding a piece of paper and saying "English? English?" And I thought she needed help with an address or something, so I stopped to see what I could do. Her note said something about her having three children and asking if I could help her out. Kirk and Colleen had come back for me and were telling me to ignore her and move on. She was actually one of the gypsies who are known for hanging around the Brandenberg gate and picks pockets of unsuspecting tourists like me! Good thing nothing of mine was missing.

But we met up with the group and Dirk, the director, gave us an audio tour along Unter Den Linden (a street with a lot of historic sites) starting at the Brandenberg Gate. I really wanted to pay attention and listen to what he had to say but it was really windy so there was just a lot of noise in my headphones and it hurt so I took it off. I'm planning on going back another day when it's not crazy windy and snowing and I'll bring my guide book so I can read everything that I missed. =p

So this tour lasted about 3 and a half hours and I was wearing sneakers, not realizing the snow would be piled so high. So by the time the tour was over my feet were wet and freezing! A few of us went to a mall to get some things and I looked around every shoe store to find a pair of shoes that would be pretty cheap and keep me dry. I found nothing! My friend Wesley was on a Europe trip and staying with me for a couple of nights so I went to the S-banh station near the apartments to meet him. I dropped him off in my room and then went back to the mall to continue my shoe hunt. I was unsuccessful and went home =( I was planning to take a nap but remembered I invited Eric over to come hang out with us and we ended up sitting around with a bottle of wine and some egg sandwiches. Then a few of us went out to some bars.
There was one bar we went to that was in this building that was covered in graffiti and looked old and abandoned but it was actually pretty neat. The owner of the bar was talking to us and insisted on treating us to shots because we were guests in his country. At first I was kind of paranoid so I wanted to watch and make sure I saw him pouring it. He was giving us Cuban rum because we can't get it in America =p He was actually just a really friendly guy. After that we just walked around a little bit more and they got fries from an imbiss stand. They're these snack stands that are open pretty much all the time with Turkish foods. It's kind of like taco shops on every corner in San Diego. The thing that I thought was interesting was that one of the student assistants was talking to us about how the general view of the Turkish people in Germany is kind of the same as Mexicans in America. A lot of the Turks came to Germany as guest workers after the fall of the wall and a lot of them stayed. Many more are still immigrating.

Day 5, January 10

Our first free day! We woke up in the afternoon and decided to head out to the Film Museum at Potsdamer Platz (this is the area where there's this giant Sony Center with shops and a movie theatre…) There was an exhibit in the museum about gazes. They were talking about how before special effects and dramatic music in movies, looks and gazes were really important to a story. This room had a million mirrors everywhere and there were big screens showing clips of very meaningful looks/gazes/glances/stares from old movies. At this museum I learned that film is a pretty big deal in Berlin! It used to be the Hollywood until Hollywood. =p I learned about how a lot of talented movie makers left the country and moved to Hollywood because they suffered until the Nazi regime. There were also exhibits about how films were one of the biggest sources of propaganda for the Nazis and there were clips of many propaganda films. It was probably one of the coolest museums I've ever been to in my life.

After the museum I went back with Wesley to find some food. In Germany everything is supposed to be closed on Sunday so I couldn't buy any groceries. Wesley and I went to McDonald's near the apartment and a lot of the food was very expensive. We were both being really cheap so just got a cheeseburger for 1 euro and I also got some potato wedges that they serve with sour cream dip. It's pretty interesting! It just kind of tasted like ranch dip.

Day 6, January 11

The first day of school! I started the day with German from 9-12 and had a lunch break from 12 to 1:30. Then I had Modern German History in a European Context from 1:30-4 and European Business Cultures from 4-7:30. Pretty full day! Good thing we get 15-30 min breaks in the middle of each class. They didn't post up which room our classes were in and since there are only two going on at a time, we just have to guess and check. I was peeking into a room to see if it was the right one when my German history teacher walked right into me with a hot cup of coffee because he wasn't looking =( He spilled on my backpack and down my leg and just as a reflex I said, "I'm sorry!" and wanted to take it back right away. =p He just looked at me with his mouth open and said "I'm sorry, too". So I just went to the bathroom and tried to wipe myself off… but the rest mostly dried off while I was just sitting in class =p



Okay this is an insanely long blog entry. I'm going to end it here and just continue later and maybe just start blogging about the present day!

Quick summary of things I've done so far:
-Ate a doner kebap
-Made a German friend at a really cute coffee shop
-Shopped at the Turkish Market (it's kind of like a flea market/farmer's market)
-Had currywurst
-Booked bus tickets to Amsterdam for a long weekend!
-Gone Salsa dancing!
-Visited several museums
-Had a short-lived snowball fight

The sun is kind of shining today and I'm ready for the weekend!! =) Sara and I are going to go to Ikea and look around for a bit.  Then rest up for lots of exploring this weekend!
Plans: Go to a restaurant/bar called White Trash, check out the Flea Market, go to the  Russian War Museum, study/plan trips in some cafe, and try to bake nutella cookies!

More to come soon! =)

Sending love love love love, crazy love from Berlin,

Cary Mo'fckin Luu!

Day 0

So I totally dropped this blog this past summer... right after a post about how I was going to start recording what I did so I'd keep myself from wasting my life away during summer vacation.
So this is my attempt to revive my writer self... a travel blog!
I'm at the San Diego International Airport waiting to board a plane to SFO (free wifi thanks to Google, because they do whatevah they want!).  From SFO I'll be flying to Frankfurt, then to Berlin.
Maybe I'm still not fully awake yet, but I'm not really sure what I'm feeling.  Definitely a mixture of excitement and a bit of fear - but that kind of adds to the thrill of it all.  Four months in a foreign country that I never really looked into very much until less than a year ago...   My life for the next four months is packed into one gigantic suitcase and two carry-ons. 

Welllllll.... I'm gonna cut it short because I'm going to board and get these mothereffing snakes off this mothereffing plane!

HUZZAH!



 

i could eat french bread forever

Mmm... along with pretty much any kind of potato dish. Oh carbs, why do you have to be so bad in large amounts?!?


so I'm home. =)

I haven't spent this much time at home since before I started college. It feels kind of strange but I'm also glad to be home. Since we moved into our house last Thanksgiving I haven't been around for more than a couple of weeks at a time so it hasn't really felt like home. After a week everything is starting to feel more familiar and I don't have to stop and think about which cabinet the dishes are in anymore when I'm cooking.

Now that I think about it, it's only been like 9 days since I've been home. I've been sleeping pretty late and starting my day pretty late. Just yesterday I was kind of panicking that I've been wasting my summer doing that, but when I really think about it, I haven't been wasting my time! Everything I've spent my time on so far has been enjoyable. So that's that. =)

But I decided just to be sure that I'm not wasting my life away, I'm going to start writing down what I do. So if I have nothing to write, I'll be reminded to go and do something! But I won't write it on here of course. It might not be that entertaining for other people to read... =p

With school being out, I guess I've had a lot of time to catch up on sleep and get back to myself. I've been feeling a lot healthier and happier. It's really awesome what a bit more sleep and exercise can do. Must try and keep it up during school.
I've also had a lot more time to time to think/talk to Alan. =p

The following are things I've realized:

- I should really stop worrying about people so much. I didn't even really think I did, but when Alan pointed it out to me, I was like, Hey... yeah. I do. And I need to stop because it's just unnecessary stress on myself and it's as if I don't trust that people are able to handle things on their own. I guess I came to this realization because I was noticing how irked I am when people try to take care of me too much.
-I tend to let the way I think things should be pressure me into trying to feel a certain way. If I feel it I do and if I don't I just don't! It's pretty simple. =)
-I spend a lot of money! It's always just a little bit here and there but it really adds up. I am pretty broke right now so I haven't been going out much or buying anything and I'm realizing how I would make some kind of purchase pretty much everyday while I was at school.
-I use the computer A LOT. Am stepping away from it and reading more. =) I just finished the Great Gatsby and am about to start on Animal Farm. I'm also working on this book titled "If You're Clueless About the Stockmarket".

Got tons of free time this week so I found some volunteer opportunities on craigslist. =) Wednesday is the pledge campaign for KPBS and Thursday is San Diego FoodBank.

Saturday... I do THIS

I love free time. =D

Blogging in a new way from a new laptop!

Whoa I am blogging from Microsoft Word!

I'm at Mimi's place. We just went through our plans for our STC workshop and made our super super fun powerpoint.

There are so many new features on this computer that are totally blowing my mind! I haven't had enough time to explore everything yet, but at least it will feel new and exciting for a longer period of time. =) I've been using OneNote with my laptop in tablet mode in class and it's pretty badass! At first I thought it was kind of unnecessary to take notes in tablet mode, but it's actually really neat! And this way I can have all my notes for my classes in one place on the computer instead of scattered all over the place in different notebooks. And I was also thinking that it's pretty cool that I won't have to waste so much paper… but does the amount of paper I save outweigh the carbon emissions I'm causing from using my laptop? This baby has an Energy Star sticker on it… so I sure hope so!

I'm so glad it's Friday, but I can't really feel relieved until after our workshop tomorrow morning. Even when I've planned things out and written down what I'm going to say, I always feel really anxious about making presentations. Even during general meetings! Making announcements in a room full of tens of people every single week probably should have helped me get over it… but I still felt nervous even towards the end of the term after already having made tons of announcements!

I've sat through some really great speeches before and gotten pretty emotional. Really good speakers know how to move you. And it might just be something that makes you feel good for the moment that you're listening, or it could be something that makes you jump to your feet and create a humongous change. I'd really like to make an excellent speech like that someday.

But even if it's not through making speeches, I'd just really like to be an inspiration. If I can't leave any awesome THINGS (like a Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too), I'd really like to just have moved people to do awesome things.

Well, the bus is coming in 11 minutes. Think I can make it to Bancroft and Telegraph in time from Mimi's house?

We'll find out next time... on BINGBANGBOOM!

Chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup, chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side.

GUESS WHAT THIS IS A LIST OF...!!!

1. Chicken that would have gone bad if I waited another day to cook it.
2. Baby carrots that I bought last weekend for a healthy snack alternative.
3. Celery and potatoes that I got during my Safeway trip with Jessica tonight. Jessica Luk is one of my most awesome friends ever. We can go a couple days, even weeks without seeing or talking to each other and pick up right where we left off without a problem.
4. A mysterious onion that I found in my cabinet. Where could it have come from?!?
5. Safeway brand Flour. One of the only things I can never buy the store brand of is Q-Tips. Oh yes, and toothpaste.
6. Morton's salt. I've also dissolved some of this in water and soaked a cotton ball to put on my earn. My cartilage piercing is infected. Ick. I have realized pretty recently that I'm kind of careless/too rough with some things. Like myself. Must take better care of things. And myself.
7. Pepper. My brother, Alan, really likes putting pepper in things. And lemon or lime juice. He's decided to walk in a Graduation ceremony this May (the 23rd from 8-12 @ the Greek Theatre)! I am really really excited. Let's make a REALLY FREAKING big deal about it. =D
8. Garlic and herb seasoning. What kind of herb? I don't even know! But it sure works well in chicken noodle soup.
9. A stone. Jaykay. But do any of you guys remember reading Stone Soup? No? Maybe I'll blog about it next time.

Gute Nacht